Category Archives: Potrait of Self

The upside down wonderland

What happens when the world suddenly stops turning, pauses and reverses, turning in the opposite directions. That is what I am feeling when I was writing the post for today. Last few days have been so chaotic and at the same time rewarding.

I finally figured out a way to ignore the less esteemed but extremely irritating colleagues.

I got a new office; 🙂

It is much cooler and much better equipped other side of the building. It is also much quieter and provides a serene view and lots of sunshine; a rare commodity in the creeping cold.

It is where I am going to be writing my doctoral thesis and enjoying super espresso’ on a personal coffee machine. For a coffee addict it is a heaven away from home.

Feeling on top of the world. The world is a shiny red button!

 

The Annoying Meddler

Have you ever encountered someone, who is an annoying meddler. The department politics may sometime want to make you mad enough, to want to throttle that annoying colleague; maybe that friend of your boss who secretly hates your existence and want to pin any tiny mistake on you, in order to get you in trouble. A happen to have one right in my department.

Many people have their bosses pet as their nemesis; mine just happens  to be Professor who hates my guts (due to my sheer ability to switch Departments for my PhD. I have masters in A and then I switched to B for my doctorate which horrified her). She held onto that long grudge despite personally never interacting with me. She is a woman of well…..limited mind, debatable skills…..and a number of minions at her disposal who are eager to harass me at their convenience.

Science departments are still an autocracy in themselves, basically run like little dictatorship and there is only so much that I can do to counter her considering that my thesis is yet to be submitted. Can’t wait for the day I can leave this place. Open to interpretation!

How much is too thin and just enough beautiful

It has been too often pointed out to me that I am a fat person. ergo, I should diet. The advice comes from well meaning professors, fellow researchers, cleaning staff and strangers in the cafe you don’t know…… Weird. No, apparently this is how a normal day passes for me and other women who are out there living their lives and even slightly overweight. The moment someone sees them they are labelled as fat and therefore unattractive.Then again, I exercise when I can and simply let the remarks slide.

Here is the shocker! I choose to be Fat (I am just the side of over weight and I think I offend most people when I insist on being happy just the way I am). Raised eyebrows, here they come.

The reason; I cannot read or work, if I am hungry. I work sometimes 20 hours a day and the need to maintain focus in scientific field is pretty high or I could make costly mistakes. The instruments I need to work with cost thousand of dollars.

So, I do not diet. That is a shocker to most people who cannot fathom how can I not want to be ‘Slim and Healthy’.

The pressure to be thin grows every day on women, girls and teenagers (especially by peer groups in schools and universities), as fashion magazines continue with ads featuring thin models with size zero clothes, health magazines scream bloody murder every other day saying fat is bad etc.

FACTS: Fat is stored food in a body warding off starvation if encountered. There has been a lot of ‘studies’ on fat sponsored by slim pill companies which are then cited by magazines and other news media creating an environment where every plus sized woman is subtly harassed, pitied or sneered at.

Fact: The idea of beauty is in the eye of the beholder; Different societies have different ideas on beauty, fertility or attractiveness to opposite sex.

I am an independent enlightened woman who chooses to ignore all the well meaning advice and malicious barbs. Being a woman of science, does has its advantages.

What concerns me, is that the well meaning concerns can be handled well, by a grown woman; it may very well harm a child or teenager who has to deal with the societal pressures to conform to a certain idea of body image or beauty. Failure to get that size zero figure and spotless face causes many panic attacks around the world everyday. Open to interpretation!

 

The importance of being a Dreamer

People cannot help the conditions that they are born in. Most people make their peace with it. Some don’t. Those people change the world.

It is not important what you have, whether you are living in utter poverty or rolling in money. What is more important is, what do you dream of at the night? What do you aspire to, in the day? It is those two things, which push or pull you in the directions you want to go.

The importance of our dreams is, in the way we look at the world. The glass  may be half full for some and half empty for the others. For those whose glass is half empty, take heart because you can still muster the courage to push the world upside down and the glass will be half full again.

A happy pocketful of dreams for all of you! 🙂

A Hunter’s Awakening.

She was a simple child. She followed simple rules for she had a simple heart and led a simple life. A person of science and logic, she was raised in a normal household and went to a relatively normal school. Something on the inside, was different. She had always found it harder to bear injustice. Even as a child she found the ideals of truth, honor and pure souls fascinating. However, when she grew up, she was thrust into a world full of predators, flatterers, oath breakers and paranoia.

Heart-break taught her to distrust men.

Betrayal taught her to distrust friends.

Torture taught her to distrust authority.

Wars in the name of religion, countries and race taught her to distrust faith, politicians and racists.

Greed taught her to distrust money.

Then she found herself. She changed in the most fundamental people can change when the world finally starts making sense to them. Her path became lit with reason and logic, a sense of calmness settled in her heart and her mind became sure.

Humanity left to itself tends to destroy itself. All the great civilizations perish, all new knowledge is lost to human greed and lust of wars. So, it is left to those who can see even without the eyes where the world is headed to, to check it from time to time and tend to its gaping wounds so the world can live.

A Hunter was born. A predator to most of the excesses of the world and one who protects the next generation, provides guidance to lost souls and those who seek the truth among the lies.

A worthy life is a life lived in teaching our kids to have the courage to live in the dangerous new world, and thrive.

Thoughts for today!

I dreamed of fairies last night: Turning 30 today

I dreamed yesterday night, or maybe it was today’s morning. I turn 30 today; and I dreamed of hope and colors, stained glass windows and beating hearts.

Today, I completed 30 years in wilderness. I look back on life and think of a carefree childhood, brattish teenage years and wild twenties; wandering feet, looking for broken hearts and mending past regrets. Today, I feel hope and love and enthusiasm. In the past years, I went through a lot of confusion, self doubt and broken threads of thoughts. The last year showed me how to face life and feel courage, when you have none left. It also showed me a life lead in purity, when I finally was able to banish dark thoughts and embrace god’s grace.

The pieces of my heart, The Hunter (The Wanderer), The Watcher (The thoughtful observer), The Maverick (The logical scientist) and The Nurturer (The Empath who feels the world and its joy and pain) finally came together and made me a whole person last year. In this new year of life, I hope to get that knowledge out to the world and try to help others, who wander.

All those who wander are not lost!

In the end we all discover ourselves and our purpose in life.

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